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Mindfulness

R.E.S.P.E.C.T (FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME)

Self-Respect – Self-Confidence and Self-Worth are so important to our personal life.

When you have a low level of these, your tendency to talk to yourself negatively increases dramatically.   Look in the mirror, what kind of person is currently looking back at you.   Write down the feelings/thoughts that come into your head.

Do you have a good support structure?   What I mean is do you have someone that you can go to that will give you the advice you needed.  I knew one person who was supposed to be a leader, a support structure, however when something went wrong and you asked for advice “well that’s never happened to me” was not the support that I was looking for.   Because it had never happened to them they could not offer any meaningful advice to improve the situation next time.

When you go for an interview you are often asked “name a time when you did such n such”.   Sometimes you may not have actually done that particular scenario but you win brownie points if you say “I’ve not done this exactly but if I did then I would do this, this and this.”

So a good support structure would be able to offer advice based on hypothetical scenarios, being able to work through your challenge and help you to improve for next time.

Also when something negative happens do you take a lot of time to recover?  In business you may hear “NO” a lot.   But is it a No or is it a Not Now?   So instead of fearing the No we reward it.   So if we get 20 No’s then we can go and celebrate with a coffee and cake?   Get 50 No’s and we can get a massage.   Basically we are rewarding ourselves for the activity and not focussing on the results.  The results will come but only if we get out there and do the activity.

Wallowing in self pity will not get us the results we are needing.   Do you blame others rather than yourself?   Maybe you know someone like this?  I do, the same situation happens to them time and time again but they cannot comprehend that it is the way they act that is causing the situation.   It is the other people that are to blame not them.   They see they have not done anything to contribute to the situation and because of this the situation continues to happen.    They are in a catch 22 situation.   Many people have highlighted to them that they need to make changes but they need to be willing to accept some of the responsibility which they don’t.

Often blaming others is a defensive manoeuvre for people who are unable to tolerate the possibility that they might be at fault in some way.  Surround yourself with people that will lift you up and remove the negative people from your life (the dream stealers).  Some people you cannot help.  If you cannot remove them, then accept them for what they are and how they act.  It will lead to a more peaceful life.  They are the people who are happy to be where they are.   They may complain all the time and say they are unhappy but they refuse to make any of the changes to improve the situation.

Maybe they want to lose weight but won’t do anything about it, maybe they hate their job, maybe they are in pain but won’t go to the doctors.   Look out for those people who use words like never, always, everyone, no-one or those that focus on the one bad thing rather than the numerous good things that happen to them.  Take the previous G.C.S.E results, I noticed one person post on facebook that they got 6 A’s 3B’s and 1 C, however they were hungup about getting that 1 C which is still a pass.  They were focussed on the 1 “bad” rather than the overall picture of excellent results.

Do you recognise any of these behaviours?  Make the changes now to amend the way that your mind speaks to you.  Focus on the good things that are happening in your life rather than the bad things.

For more information on the mindfulness methods I use give me a call x

Life Purpose

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – Part 2

Well I was never given the best advice with regards to food by the dietician.  I was told to eat stodgy food in order to get back up to the 8 stone I needed to get back to work. Because the foods I was eating didn’t affect my Crohn’s too much I kept with that diet, I reached 9 stone then 10 stone and decided enough was enough.

I started researching nutrition and added more fruit and vegetables to my diet. In 2009 I started taking aloe vera as it is a natural inflammatory, started being a Forever Living distributor and I started networking.  It was at one of these networking meetings (4N) that someone said “what if people don’t want aloe, you have a fountain of knowledge when it comes to Nutrition why don’t you train to be a nutritionist” I did just that and in 2013 I qualified as a Nutritionist and set up my next business “Feel Good Naturally”, because that is what I wanted to get people to be

As I talked to more people I noticed that whereas people were working on feeding their bodies the right foods they weren’t working on feeding their minds the right thoughts.

As I had some limiting beliefs of my own to tackle I started training in Mindfulness, loved how easy the processes were and how they helped remove those long term beliefs I had. I qualified in Focussed mindfulness in 2015.   I had also developed a love of meditating so I qualified as a teacher in 2014.   I had started to find my true path, there have been hurdles along the way but that is okay. 

But it is also okay to change direction or deviate from the norm in order to understand your true path.   

I found reiki by accident.  I was originally asked to research it to help promote some reiki inspired and infused products belonging to a friend.  I did my level 1 and 2 in Usui Reiki in 2016 and after my friend decided on a different path for her business, I had become hooked.  My clients loved the reiki, so when I had the opportunity to become a Holy Fire Reiki Master in 2017 I jumped at the chance. 

I had already qualified in Massage in 2012 as an opportunity to offer massages at charity events with my Forever business, so I updated my qualification in 2017, adding extra treatments to my portfolio.  I also added more mindfulness and nutrition training to keep me up to date.

You are never too old to learn something new. 

At the end of November 2017 I lost my nanna.  She had some lovely rose tea sets and ornaments.  So when I was advised by a business coach to split my business into two I already had my Mind and Body toolkit with Feel Good Naturally. I was working on my Spirit/Soul toolkit and during my meditations I was introduced to Dragons.  With my love of dragons and my Nannas love of roses – Dragon Rose Holistic was born.  I added Sound healing in 2018, (I love singing, love sounds), Oracle/Tarot card reading 2018/2019 (been to two ladies now who said this was a field I should go into) and Past Life Regression in 2019 (I always wondered where I got my spiritual and psychic gifts from)

Its now been 20 years since I started my health journey. Hobbies include photography and Amateur Dramatics.  I have no movement between my 2nd and 10th vertebrae, but this has not prevented me from dancing and doing shows.  In fact one specialist said he didn’t know how I was dancing with such a loss of movement. Maybe it’s because I was never told, I learnt to adapt.

Due to Covid, my path is now changing slightly but I am still bringing in all the knowledge I have gained over the last 20 or so years. Over the years there have been people who have said that they are more experienced than me, that they are better qualified, they have been doing this for years. But they haven’t been through what I have been through.

Everyone has a story, everyone is unique, don’t compare yourself with anyone else’s journey, Stay authentic and don’t allow the ego’s of others to take away your power.

You can’t change how people act but you can change the way you react to the situation

Would I go back in time and change anything – NO – these events have shaped who I am today and the path I am on that I feel so passionate about.   I no longer look back on these events with anger or resentment.   I could look back at these situations and think “Why Me” – now I think “Why Not me”  – It didn’t kill me but has made me stronger

Jax xx

Life Purpose

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – Part 1

So why am I so passionate about what I do – Here is the first part of my 20 year old story

First thing I have learnt is don’t take your health for granted.

Most of my childhood I was healthy and was rarely off sick and this continued until July 2000.  I started to suffer from excruciating cramps, vomiting and my weight started to plummet.  I became so ill at the time that when I was cramping I had to move around the house on all fours. I couldn’t straighten up.  I found relief from lying in a hot bath but then didn’t have the energy to get back out.

My weight went down from 7 1/2 stone to under 6 stone. I could only eat small amounts and if I ate too much I would throw it back up again.  I would ring the doctors asking for a home visit – the receptionist asked loads of questions and then said I wasn’t eligible for a home visit and that I should ask one of my neighbours to take me.  This would have involved me crawling down my steps, along the street looking for someone to take me as most of my neighbours worked.  As this kept happening I would wait until the husband came home and go to the out of hours clinic.  Doctors told me it was just IBS but I knew it wasn’t, especially as they knew about my family history of Crohn’s/Colitis. 

It took 6 months of doctor visits and eventually threatening suicide that I managed to persuade the doctor to refer me to a specialist.  By the time I was seen my inflammation was so bad, the steroids didn’t work, I had developed gallstones and so I had to have my gall bladder removed.  I was booked in for a resection (removing the diseased bowel) in January 2001.

So follow your “gut instinct” and stick to your guns if you truly believe in something.

I went in to a lovely BUPA hospital and everything seemed to go very smoothly.  The next day I wasn’t allowed to leave until I had been to the loo but nothing was happening.  They tried everything and I started to feel worse.  Unbeknownst to them and me the resection had actually collapsed.  They said it was because they hadn’t realised how malnourished I was.  By the time I was rushed to the NHS hospital at midnight, I was always suffering from Septicaemia, Pneumonia and Peritonitis and I was only given a 5% chance of survival.  

Parents were called as I wasn’t expected to survive the night and luckily I did survive the night.   However I was now down to 5 stone

I spent over 3 weeks in hospital – The Pneumonia had caused fluid on my lung and I had to have over a litre removed by placing a small 50ml syringe in my back and draining it little by little.  There I was topless whilst they did the procedure, lots of students and doctors coming in.  Any inhibitions were out the window.  So I asked for a light to be shined on me so I could picture being on the beach sunbathing.  I also became the guinea pig for all the trainee nurses who wanted to learn how to take blood/put in the venflons etc.  They were so thankful to practice on me as they only had ever practiced on an orange.  

So see the good in every situation – what can you or someone else learn from particular challenge

I was often on oxygen and a nebuliser and going up stairs was very tiring.   I even had to be help up in the bath as lying down, the bobbles on the bath dug into my skin.   I also ended up with a temporary ileostomy (bag).   As my surgery was an emergency, they didn’t have time to measure me up and place it in the best place for me. My stoma changed shape constantly, my bag had to be emptied every two hours including night time and one day whilst out and about in London it leaked.   It was a 4 hour wait at the hospital to get it looked at so I packed my trousers full of tissues and kept on sight-seeing.   It was burning like hell but I chose to get on with my life.

Shit happens.  It is how you deal with it that makes the difference between success and failure.

So I had my ileostomy (bag) reversal in Dec 2001 and due to the scarring from both my resection and reversal I remained quite inactive for several years.    As I was recovering the husband decided we should separate – I now couldn’t give him the family he wanted.  

My Eczema that I had as a child came back on my elbows and hands and I also have Arthritis related to my Crohn’s Disease.   Basically if there are any inflammatory conditions my body would love to have them.   

I got on with my life, moved into a friends spare room for 6 months, got my own house, met my fiancé in 2004 and finally divorced the husband in 2005.

If you get knocked down get up again.  You’re not measured by how many times you fall down but how many times you get back up

Connecting with yourself

Connecting with your why

One of my friends got their “lightbulb moment” in the first 15 minutes of our session. From there everything else fell into place. They had been pondering a BIG decision for a while, not sure what to do and they were getting differing views from their friends. Their mind had weighed the pros and cons of the decisions but both paths looked like they were equally matched. So do you try something new and step out of your comfort zone or is it better the devil you know?

Have you ever heard of the phrases “listen to your heart” (great Roxette song by the way) or “go with your gut feeling”/”gut instinct”. Often the heart and gut are the ones we should listen to but we often let our minds change our views, we listen to our inner voice, the old limiting beliefs come in, past experiences start to cloud our judgment. Therefore I asked my client what they felt in their heart and gut they said “They were sitting on the fence”. The grass was green on both sides but which way to jump.

So I asked them to close their eyes and visualise themselves in 5 years time. What were they doing, how were they feeling, how were they acting and how were people acting around them?

They described the future in detail and from getting in touch with what they wanted from life allowed them to connect to their “WHY” – why were they doing what they were doing now, what did they want to do and which path was going to get them there. Which path was going to give them the future they wanted.

Sometimes the Connecting to your why? can be surprising. You might think that the decision revolves about money and job security but when you look into the future you may want the flexibility to be with your family, to be at their school activities, to not have to work regimented hours.

If you have a decision to make and you are not sure what to do just visualise what your future would look like, then ask which path will get me there. How does it feel in your heart and gut? I find meditation is great for silencing the mind chatter and allowing me to connect with what I truly want from life. I also consult my oracle and tarot cards to give me that little bit of extra guidance.

1. Trust your gut instict
2. Meditate on an issue or ask the question before going to bed as often the answer will be there in the morning
3. Visualise where you want to be
4. Try making a vision board, once you are clear on what you want your mind will start looking for those opportunities (look at it on a regular basis)
5. Trust in the universe. If needed focus on the activity rather than the result. Reward yourself for all the steps forward you are making

Namaste
Jax xx

My Life Reflections

2018 – the rollercoaster year

As I enter 2019, I am reflecting on a roller coaster of a ride that 2018 gave me. There have been a few highs but some very low lows.

DOWN – February I was told from my IBD doctor that my Crohn’s had come back and that I would need to go on Immune Suppressing drugs asap.  Side effects included being susceptible to any virus that was making the rounds, very low energy levels and liver problems.  Not something a self-employed person wants to hear as if I was too ill/tired to work then I wouldn’t be paid.  I then found out this was based on 12 month old results that they had forgotten to tell me about.  So I demanded that I had another test.  The doctor made me feel 3 inches tall saying that it would be to no avail.

UP – I did the test and in May I received a copy letter that goes to my doctor saying my Crohn’s was fine and within normal limits.  No need to go on the drugs.

DOWN – Never got chance to tell my mum the good news as on the morning of my Hen Do, my mother passed away, my hen do was cancelled as I rushed up to Newcastle to help my Dad.  Fingers were crossed that the funeral would be before I was due to fly to the USA to get married and with 1 week to go we said goodbye.

UP – and on the 6th June I became Mrs Netherwood, tinged with sadness as my Aunty, who was going to walk me down the aisle, couldn’t make it as she was recovering from Stomach Cancer surgery.     It was a lovely wedding and a fantastic honeymoon.

DOWN – On the 5th July I noticed that my left breast was leaking, so was referred to the hospital for tests.

UP – Ultrasound and Mammogram received nothing untoward

DOWN – On the 8 week check-up my boob had started leaking again, the specialist found blood in the discharge and advised that I should have my milk ducts removed.

UP – On the 24th October, my milk ducts were removed.  It meant I was off work for 3 weeks, I had to wait another 3 ½ weeks before I got the results that the polyps and nodules removed were benign and no further treatment was required

DOWN – Ending the year not being able to celebrate Christmas with my mum, seeing how poorly my dad is struggling with his Parkinson’s Disease and treatment for prostate cancer and waiting to see if the surgery and chemo has removed all the cancer from my Aunt.

I am going to end my year on an UP.    There have been lessons learnt

If you want to make a change in your life then DO IT YOURSELF

I stopped going to networking meetings, where people said they would refer me to their friends and then nothing.  I had been doing it for years and the rate of return was poor to say the least.  However I did get to meet some awesome people on the way so I will see it as a plus.   I decided not to rely on people for my own happiness and went out and got my own clients and my own corporate massage clients.  I did more training, rebranded my business and have increased my revenue by over 50%.

Make sure you tell those you love that you love them, and surround yourself with a loving and supportive tribe.
I was able to see my mum the week before she died and even though her passing was unexpected I was able to tell her that I loved her.  I know who my real friends are, the ones that have checked in on me and haven’t just said “I am here if you need me” and then not heard from them again.  I have the love of my hubby, who has been my rock, seen me at my worst, wiped away my tears, gave me cuddles when all I wanted to do was sob.   It’s hard to keep smiling when you don’t really have the energy to keep up the pretence, but my friends understand.

Trust your own body and intuition
I am still here, I stood up to the doctors when I knew that my Crohn’s symptoms hadn’t changed over the years.  They belittled me but I kept going.  I didn’t allow them to bully me into a decision I didn’t feel comfortable taking.  In 2019 I will be working on my intuition more.

Find the good in everything you see
It’s been hard, but the years of Mindfulness study has helped me with this one.  The dark clouds are still looming and I still burst into tears at a drop of a hat, but hoping that in 2019, the dark clouds will finally disperse. I wish my family and friends good health.  I am striving to be the best version of me that I can be.  Raising my vibration further.   I have tried to reconnect with people, checked in with people on FB I haven’t seen post for a while, so if you do get a “hi” or “how are you”, I am really wanting to know.  I will continue to set myself challenges in 2019 and I will continue to be me.  If you want to continue with me on my journey then buckle up as it’s going to be one hell of a ride.  If it’s time for you to get off then Ta Ta for now and all the best xx

Thank you for reading.  All my love Jax xxx